Talk:You Are Not Alone/@comment-24712996-20140426032801
'My Mad Fat Diary post about why Rae is one of my favourite characters ever: ' When I heard the praises for the Blurred Lines video, I struggled to find the words to explain why I did not find it to be as visually pleasing as the boys in my class. It wasn’t the misogynistic and dangerous message they were finding to be worthy of their attention, no, it was the naked women dancing around for their pleasure who showed off their little bodies which lived up to the conventional standard. Why did I, a proud feminist, sit there with my head down, wanting desperately to be anywhere but there, as the guy I had been crushing on went on to sing praises of his perfect woman? Simple answer: It showed me everything I wasn’t, what I would never be, and that stung. I would never have a petite little body with no flabby bits or areas which were best kept covered. And it made me feel fucking awful in a way I only get when I run out of KitKats. There are many problems with Blurred Lines and its video yet in that moment it seemed to reflect what was supposedly wrong with me. Endless talk of how the women in the video had the best bodies and were ideal to my male peers was something which struck not too kindly with my inner insecurities – it wasn’t about the women, it was about everything I seemed to lack. It’s so silly. You’re letting men dictate you the beauty standard and giving into the patriarchal notion that you’re worth is only summed by your looks? Pathetic! But, the thing is, I know all of this yet for that one moment I was consumed by the thought that my body wasn’t worthy of love. Years of snide comments and belittling remarks, all from myself, had caught up with me and I had no-where to escape from this crippling fear that I would garner laughs instead of love or lust when I let eventually let myself stop being emotionally closed off. The reaction people have when I rarely share my inner deepest insecurities is very predictable: ‘I am sure someone must fancy you’; ‘looks don’t matter, do not be shallow’, and, my favourite, ‘you’re such a nice girl.’ Honestly, I do appreciate all of these kind sentiments yet my ego was practically crying out for someone to just tell me that ‘I think you’re fucking hot and want to do another word in this sentence with you’. All of those other comments and sometimes empty compliments have veiled messages - ‘be happy with what you have, do not ask for too much’ and then, instead of dealing with insecurities, you may find someone who will be content with you. I understand how deeply shallow I must sound, however, it’s not about looking beautiful…it’s about feeling happy with yourself. I spend most of my time discussing the portrayal of women in the media and how it should be representative of young women as well as the issues they face. Most of TV is comprised by conventionally good-looking people whose characters never truly explore their insecurities by choosing instead to lust over someone they claim to hate and magazines are filled with beauty ideals placed upon us next to products which will make you look that bit better. Do L'Oreal specialise in instant self-confidence?! MAYBE IT'S THE WAY I AM, MAYBELLINE! But the overweight girl or the one whose body has marks or the one whose face is sporting acne never seems to be on the big screen, and no-one ever really discusses this, because no-one with qualities like that has ever been attractive, right? And, heaven forbid, when she does come on the screen then either laughter or pretend hurling will ensue and we all know that the male lead would never fall for someone whose legs are bigger than his dick – she’s either super snarky or intelligent but never, ever, a complex woman who is not defined by her body. It’s really hard to be okay, as a young woman, with your body when you’re told you should be ashamed of all the things which make you the person you are. This was never more true than for the brilliant series My Mad Fat Diary which follows the loveable and complicated Rae Earl, a 16 year old girl who has been released from a mental facility, who shows the different sides of a woman who does not fit into the conventional standards. Before the show aired I remember people being incredibly harsh about the TV ad which portrayed a girl who was overweight, horny and fucking hilarious. Duh, only extremely attractive and thin people are allowed on the TV! And then the show aired to critical acclaims with people bestowing Rae the label of being one of the most relatable protagonists in recent years. She’s fat. She’s barking mad at times. She voices your concerns with a brilliant inner monologue. In the first series there is an episode which particularly resonates with me as in this episode Rae is invited to a pool party by her best friend Chloe, who is conventionally gorgeous, and Chloe’s new friends. We see her struggle with coming to terms with exposing her body to everyone because it’s full of marks and holds everything she hates about herself – it’s making yourself so vulnerable, giving others the opportunity to laugh over what you’ve been made to be ashamed of. Now, I am not fat, but watching this scene reminded me of when I was consumed by my own fears when I had the opportunity to be in a music video which I turned down. Why? It was in a pool scene…where I would have to wear a swim suit and parade around my odd looking legs which had stretch marks from my growth spurt. To be honest, I did not want other people confirming what I assumed was the worst part of me because it seemed inconceivable to me at the time that perhaps no-one would care or even that it may be beautiful in its own way. Rae decided to be strong and went ahead rocking her swim suit. Guess what? No-one batted an eyelash. Her marks, her low sense of self, didn’t matter. I fell in love with Rae and her story from the first viewing, because it held everything I felt for so long about myself. Her quote of ‘I know boys do not like me’? My poor best friend hears this more often than not. Wanting to step out of her body to a better, more accepted version? Me. When she kept telling herself to be normal so she would fit in with the gang even though she was badass? ME. Her wanting Finn Nelson so much that she was prepared for him to evolve gills as he went down quicker than the Titanic? HELLO, RAE EARL, ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE NOT ME??! Rae is so much more than her body. She is a witty, smart, sarcastic girl who has insecurities just like the rest of us. Yes, her insecurities play a vital role in her story, but it’s not the defining part of who she is. The girl has awesome taste in music and tells the best jokes known to man while just telling it as it as well as being a great mate. It’s so refreshing to see a girl who is not entirely comfortable in her body yet we get to follow her on a journey of realising just how brilliant she is, marks and all. It showed girls who don't live up to the stereotype and are complex & complicated can find love, peace and amazing friends. The truth is that I will never look like the girls in the Blurred Lines video. And I’m fine with that. My old crush may not deem me his ideal woman like Emily Ratajkowski but other people think I am gorgeous and pretty. More than that, I think I am perfectly fine the way I am. It’s taken a long time yet I am starting to realise that the worst thing about me wasn’t my chicken legs, it was my harsh and unnecessary criticism of myself. Rae taught me that how you look is just one part of who you are, it's not all you are. Your beauty is there, you just need to open your eyes to see it.